The Good Wife: "Don't Haze Me, Bro" and all that Swishiness

Episode Title: "Don't Haze Me, Bro"

Season 4, Episode 4 | Original Air Date: Sunday, October 21, 2012

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“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness”… but most of all, it was the age of drama.

And that’s the best age of all. 

Goodbye 27^th floor, hello shared office space.  Goodbye clean slate, hello scandal.  Goodbye everything we've ever known, hello season 4.  With all of this messy drama, I’m pulling apart this week’s episode to look at ‘Don’t Haze Me, Bro’ as a turning-point for season four of The Good Wife.  Also, I've got some big questions, like: 1) Who is leaking to the press? And 2) Has Cary really been working in the lunchroom for the last two months?  Feel free to dig in with me by sounding off in the comments below.

His and Hers Offices

Diane is mad.  And apparently she eats Wheaties.  Both of these things are unusual and not just because I never pegged Diane for a cereal eater.  After going to review what’s left of the 27^th floor, Diane is more determined than ever to get Lockhart Gardner back on top.  It’s going to be a challenge, but I admire her for dreaming big.  First the firm will return to its former office space glory and then they’ll expand.  New York?  You bet.  The world?  Clearly the next stop.  The only one getting in the way?  That pesky Clarke Hayden. 

While Hayden seems to have a legitimate care and concern for Lockhart Gardner, Diane can’t help but think he’s undermining the firm’s success.  Yes, they need to hire an accountant who can actually, well, account, and sure they need to cut back on expenses – fresh flowers just don't grow on trees.  Well, they do, but they don't put themselves in vases, so that's the point – but when it comes to sharing office space, that’s where Diane draws the line.  One would think Diane would embrace the chance to share an office with Will.  Oh wait, that’s me. 

For fans of The Good Wife, I think it’s easy to see validation in having Hayden on staff.  He’s the voice of reason in an otherwise unreasonable world.  “At some point you’ll realize I’m trying to save you from yourself,” notes Hayden.  He’s more invested in the firm’s sustainability than the fair-weather David Lee, yet because he’s new to the scene, everyone loathes his suggestions.

Everyone but Cary Agos.

With the 27^th floor demolished, the seating arrangements at Lockhart Gardner are in a state of flux.  Hayden has a plan (and by the looks of it, a lot of agile workers willing move large mahogany furniture) to condense three floors to two.  It’s at this point we find out the beloved golden boy, Cary Agos, hasn't had a desk, filing cabinet, office chair or paperweight in two months.  Seriously?  Where has he been working?  The lunchroom?  Eli’s closet?  Will’s bathroom?  Does this man even have business cards?

Noting the injustice of seating, Hayden approaches Alicia to ask how she feels about Cary.  The review she gives is glowing and before long, Cary has moved into Alicia’s space.  Already it’s loud and full of madness, but this is a partnership that just might work.  Also, this could finally be the push needed to get Cary a bigger role on The Good Wife (something that has been missing). 

Now, I've said it before and I’ll say it again: These two are destined to start their own firm.  Sharing offices?  Step 1.  Welcome to the hallowed halls of Florrick Agos.  It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?  I hear the 27^th floor is available for rent…

Pass the Gin and Titonic

There’s nothing worse than a bad date.  You know what I’m talking about: That moment when you look at your watch, secretly hoping the crab cake appetizer you just ate was tainted with listeria and that you’ll have an excuse to exit stage right because of near-death food poisoning?  Watching Alicia’s drink date with Maddie was like that… but maybe worse.  No amount of gin could cover how awkward things got when Alicia brought up Peter’s campaign and his supposed fidelity.  Why didn't she stick with her gut instinct and leave it to Maddie to bring up politics?  Why did she feel the need to justify her marriage to Peter?  Why did she have to kiss him in the last episode?  Whhhhhhy?

I’ll be the first to admit I have some not-so pent-up angst about Peter, but Alicia unwittingly sabotaging a budding friendship with Maddie because of Peter was so disheartening. I hope these two get a second round at the local watering hole - this is a relationship Alicia needs.

The Return of Jackie Florrick

A cold wind was blowing today and I couldn't help but think, Jackie Florrick is near. Like the cat who came back the very next day, Jackie continues to surface just when you've resigned to the fact she’ll have to be treacherous from a hospital bed.  This week, her pearls were clasped, her hair was pinned and her lipstick had a perfect lustre.  The only thing missing? The Jackie we’ve come to know.  Since her stroke she has been struggling with her senses and her confused reality.  It’s true, she’s always lived in a bit of a delusional world, where Peter walked on water, but it’s always been about what she wanted to believe, not what her mind was convincing her into.  Now she’s seeing bugs crawling across her speeches and doing the backstroke in her wine.  She’s tearing up over Alicia’s loyalty and zoning out while composing simple sentences. 

This is not the Jackie Florrick we've come to know and love to hate. 

This development is going to take The Good Wife into an entirely new world – a place where the lines between lies and truth are blurred, where darkness eludes light and where reality is superseded by imagination.  On second thought, maybe Jackie’s new-found issues are a direct reflection of Peter’s campaign.  Either way, it’s going to be a sad road for Jackie, but it’s sure to be interesting for Peter, Alicia, Eli and the viewers.

And the Best Scene of the Night Goes to…

Eli Gold and his epic meltdown while on the phone to Jim Moody (who we haven’t seen in a while, but it’s sure nice to know he’s back on the campaign trail!).

When discussing Jackie and her Peter has always has many women around-inspired speech: “Beat her off with a 2x4 if you have to!” 

Oh Eli Gold, welcome back.

Who is Leaking to the Press?

It’s the straw poll party.  American flags are flying, people are eating sausages cut into coins skewered on those little plastic-ended toothpicks and voters are hip-hip-hooraying all things Peter Florrick.  Well, all people but Eli.  Why?  Because he just got a call from ‘Jimmy V,’ a blogger with PoorAnarchy.com and the news isn't good.  Let’s face it though: Eli’s phone rarely brings good news (Jackie botched a speech, Peter slept with an intern, the Kung Pow Palace is all out of ginger beef – you know, the result is always the same).  In any case, Jimmy V says he is going to run with a story that a magazine he knows, is sitting on an article of Peter’s new scandal.  It’s going to press in one hour.  Click. Say what?!

My first question:  Who leaked this story?  I have three lines of thought here: 1) Kalinda.  It's a unlikely yet fascinating theory to ponder.  She is out to protect Alicia and she's pro-team Gardner.  Could she be working for Eli and clearing scandals on one side the fence while slipping information to a local blogger on the other?  2) Maggie.  She's in a mood that Eli rained on her Peter parade and this is one way all her work would still pay off.  3) Miss Star - the campaign worker accusing Peter of the hotel visit.  She's mad about Kalinda accusing her of lying and she knows people are looking into her story.  She could have easily spilled the beans on the article.

My second question: Why does Eli answer his phone when ‘unknown caller’ surfaces?  Okay, sure, it’s his business to be responsive, but the way the camera menacingly panned down to the call display, we could all tell it was going to be bad news. 

Other Notables

• The case of the week: Chicago PolyTech vs. Lockhart Gardner.  In a case about hazing and bullying, this week’s in-court drama was another stunning example of art imitating life.  Judge Brochard was just the right amount of quirky while looking shockingly similar to Jimmy Kimmel.  Please tell me I’m not the only one who noticed?
• The use of ‘swishiness.’  Chummy the Gopher (squirrel?) last week, “swishy” this week – The Good Wife never ceases to entertain and educate.  I’m sure the people over at Merriam-Webster are busy crafting a new entry as I type: The act of not being gay while being feminine, or being gay while not appearing as such = swishy.
  
• Kalinda is busy working for Eli who is, as we all know, is busy working for Peter.  It’s deliciously awkward without Eli even knowing it.  This is story line is like a slow-ticking time bomb.  Ka-boom!

Up Next: "Waiting for the Knock"

"When you protect the devil, prepare for hell."  Consider me intrigued. 

One of my favourite characters is about to return: Lemond Bishop is back and things seem dodgier than ever.  Next week we're taken to Bishop's house, a place we've never seen but are about to become intimately acquainted with (and, which looks strikingly similar to Highland Park, no?).  Bishop's son is the single most important person in his life, so watching how his illegitimate business might interfere with his master plan is just the kind of inspired drama I've been looking for.  Also, let's not forget when last we saw Bishop he was threatening Kalinda to get the FBI off his back.  Could K be able to use Bishop as a pawn in her game to oust Nick from her life?  Let the countdown to "Waiting for the Knock" to begin!

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"Pants on Fire"

Episode Title: Pants on Fire (aka, A Ficus, a Fiend and Three Florricks: Let the Games Begin)

Season 3, Episode 20 | Original Air Date: April 15, 2012

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In the carefully calculated cocktail that is The Good Wife, this week’s, “Pants on Fire” added one part ficus, two parts fiend, two parts feud and one part friend to create something deliciously telling.  The result?  Jackie had a stroke, Mike announced his desire to be Governor, Kalinda solved a case involving bike clips for pants and friendship bracelets, and Eli broke things off with his ex-wife Vanessa to focus on Peter who, with Alicia by his side, is also running for Governor.  Oh yes, and Will ate a doughnut… and maybe got his pre-Alicia groove back with an old lawyer friend, Cassie. 

Whew!  Now that’s out of the way, it’s time to focus on some character updates, because, with just two episodes left, each show is beginning to matter more than the last, especially when it comes to things getting personal.  I’ll confess: Much like how Alicia is feeling with regards to Mike, I’m feeling with regards to the impending finale of The Good Wife: I have a sneaking suspicion we’re being set up.   

In my Opinion: Character Updates

Cary Agos – One man in a cubicle 

If there’s one thing Cary has learned from working with and against Kalinda for the past three years, it’s how to conduct timely and astute research.  He’s getting so clever in fact, he’s leaving Kalinda sticky note messages when he’s one step ahead.  He’s smart, he’s shrewd and as of this week, we know he can keep a ficus alive.  Basically Cary is the whole package, or was until his demotion.  Now, is it just me, or does Cary’s office space look different (sometimes better, sometimes worse) every time we see it?  I mean, sure, he has a plant and some comics, but after watching him fiddle with his pen, I’m left to wonder if he has even been given a workable writing implement.  Soon we’ll be seeing him having to sharpen a pencil with a pocket knife borrowed from Kalinda.  Clearly Peter took Cary’s advice and gave him anything but preferential treatment upon finding out about the Agos/Lodge affair on the State’s time (but, let’s not forget, not on the State’s couch).

Now, unless you’ve missed every article, commercial and interview pertaining to The Good Wife for the past month, you know that Cary will soon find his way back to Lockhart Gardner (okay, the next episode).  I’m not sure how all of this will play out, but I for one, can’t wait.  I just hope he gets to bring his ficus.

Will Gardner – Job: 0  Love life: 0  Future author prospect: 0 

Oh Will.  He’s still suspended and has written a book that apparently stinks.  I’m not sure why he hasn’t thought to ask Diane to co-author something (she IS brilliant), but it’s probably because she’s juggling a) cases b) administration duties c) two very datable men and d) the ever-looming question: Is there any point to having new glass etched with “Lockhart Lyman” or is that a line item on the budget that can be moved over into Eli’s pending request for an espresso machine? 

Enter Callie, an old friend of Will’s who apparently owes him a date from three years ago.  The thing is, Callie is a recovering drug addict, so she’s been through this whole “not allowed to practice” business and decides she’ll take Will to an AA-style meeting for disbarred lawyers.  I’m a little disappointed we didn’t get to hear the words, “Hi. My name is Will. I had a gambling problem.  10 years ago I took money from a client to pay a bad debt and returned it as soon as I could.  Unfortunately, I’m in love with the State’s Attorney’s wife, and, well, one thing led to another and I ended up in front of a grand jury… and now, here I am, eating doughnuts when I should be throwing my prized baseball in the air and being brilliant.”  Now, because this didn’t happen, we are left with the mental image of Callie feeding Will a delicious piece of deep-fried dough after having watched her hand Will her apartment address.  Callie’s no Tammy and she’s certainly no Alicia, but despite her upsetting sense of style, I’m sure she’ll be interesting to watch.  Okay, who am I kidding?  I detest her already.  I’m just trying to keep things cordial…

Peter Florrick – Let the race begin!

Will he run?  Won’t he run?  Will he run?  Won’t he run?  Eli surely spent more than a few days plucking petals off daisies in a “he loves me, he loves me not” fashion, only to find that, yes, Peter has decided to run.  Maybe it’s because Alicia has said she’ll support him, maybe it’s because Mike threatened him and, as we all know, no one threatens Peter and gets away with it, or maybe it’s because being Governor is what Jackie has always wanted for Peter, and now she’s had a stroke, he feels somewhat obligated?  Either way, Peter’s hot on the campaign trail.  My prediction?  Eli's going to have his hands full because I think this campaign is going to turn quickly towards Peter's alleged racial biases.  Just saying.

Jackie Florrick – Knows when to hold 'em, knows when to fold 'em

The cat’s out of the bag on this one: Jackie has had a stroke.  For all of the Jackie fans out there, don’t worry, I’m pretty sure this woman has at least nine lives.  At the opening of the episode we found ourselves back with Alicia and Jackie at the hair salon… and while I was disappointed their discussion didn’t get a little more heated, Alicia did promise to dig into Jackie’s background and find something to use against her.  Good thing Kalinda and Alicia are back on the friendship track!  Not worried, Jackie got her hair set and styled and went about her week.  Eventually ending up at the State’s Attorney’s Office, Peter tore a strip out of his mother while saying, “I need you to butt out … Do not buy that house.  Do you understand me?”  Pa chow!  No one buys Peter’s old house and leaves him standing on the doorstep looking in.  Okay, no one but Alicia. 

Jackie’s eyes welled and the next thing we know she’s calling Alicia from a flip phone from a hospital bed.  Before finding out she’s had a stroke, we learn Jackie got the down payment money for the house from Zach and Grace’s trust.  I can’t help but wonder if David Lee had something to do with this… but I digress.  When Alicia arrived on the scene, Jackie smugly whispered “I forgive you” in Alicia’s ear.  Confused?  Me too.  Also, I’m not entirely sure Jackie’s not faking the stroke entirely…

Mike Kresteva – Anything can be true if you believe it...

Speaking of frustrating people in Alicia’s life, Mike was back in full force, with more tricks up his sleeve than an aspiring magician.  He’s a sociopath and has an assistant named Ginger.  Really, he's kind of unbelievable.  Upon announcing his desire to run for Governor, he simultaneously threw Alicia under the bus, twisting the truth about the Blue Ribbon Panel and a cover-up from the side of the State’s Attorney.  I’m not sure whether to love or hate this character, so I’m willing to put him on my “love to hate list.”  Alicia, however, is adding him directly to her bucket list of people she must outsmart and with due haste. 

Alicia Florrick – Her story, his scandal... take two?

One step forward, eight steps back?  For whatever reason, Alicia has decided she wants to support Peter in his quest to become Governor.  Why?  I have no idea.  Maybe because for the moment she hates Mike more than she detests Peter’s indiscretions … or maybe it’s because for most of season three Peter has been painted with a palette-cleansing brush.  I’m not nearly as forgiving, but I also wouldn't have considered going back to Highland Park.  For all of the traits I admire in Alicia, my stomach dropped when I saw her standing next to Peter on the podium at the news conference.  The one thing I know: this won’t be a repeat of season one – Alicia is standing by, but this time she has a plan.  

Quotes of the Week:

Alicia: "I thought you said you liked the, what did you call it? Clarity." 

Cary: "Well, let's just say it's getting murkier by the day." 

Alicia: ... "You don't seem happy here, Cary." 

Cary: "Really?  Here in my cubical?  I've got my Family Circus cartoons and my ficus.  What more could I want?"

Mike (to Alicia): "I know a lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting its shoes on..."

What's next?

The preview for episode 21, "The Penalty Box" has rendered me nearly incapacitated... and I wish I was kidding. Cary returns to the folds of Lockhart Gardner (Lockhart Lyman?), Alicia and Kalinda share a drink at a bar (FINALLY!) and Diane is forced to say to Will, "Could you please leave your pants zipped?"  Oh yes, that just happened.    

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